


Perserverance

by Wystie_booties



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Grieving, I tried to make it as least triggering as possible, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, as in Suga doesnt die, but fair warning, suga grieving daichi's death, there is a resolved ending tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 20:52:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wystie_booties/pseuds/Wystie_booties
Summary: After Daichi dies, Sugawara is fraught on what to do. He mourns Daichi's death for many months and contemplates dying as well. Yet, despite all the obstacles, he lives. A tale of mourning and creating the strength to move on.





	Perserverance

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story may be triggering. If you are easily triggered then you are advised to not read this. You have been warned. Happy readings!

 Memories play through, fleeting and short-lived, just as you were. Tokens of you are scattered throughout the city we used to live in, throughout the country. As I pass by the old grocery store that has been recently renovated, it fetches the mundane tasks that we completed together. With a grimace, I drove a little faster than I should’ve. Making my way through the bends and turns, recollections of you can’t help but emerge as my eyes become misty. A waft of fresh cut grass wanders into the car as I remember the distinct memories of you mowing the lawn as I called you in for supper. Days of college life remind me of my obsession with photography, yet you never minded. Those photographs are all of what I have left of you, smiling, breathing, alive. We used to mail each other letters when we lived far apart, mementos of one another to make time seem less lonely; I saved every one of them. I wonder if I ever told you just how much you meant to me?

 I know you knew, we were each other’s worlds, but to me, it wasn’t enough; never will be. The engine dies as I park the car, more memories seem to flow in as I exit my vehicle. Reminiscing of our high school years, shouting your name as I spot you during lunch from the second floor of our school, playful shenanigans at the rooftop as we ate our bentos, lustful nights between two of us alone, adorable murmurs of you whispering my name as you’re fast asleep while I play with your hair, and those unavoidable arguments that left me speechless. I’m approaching your gravestone now, burning incense and tidying it up. The tombstone reads, “Here lies the remains of Sawamura Daichi.”

 Funny, how it is, they said they never found your remains. I begin praying, intense and hopeful as more memories flow through, this time domestic. Your jobs meant long hours and overtime, I would always come back home first. Despite it all, I would always welcome you back whether accidentally asleep or awake. We weren’t wealthy, but we weren’t poor, you made sure of that.

 You signed up to be a coast guard too. Persuading me that it would be safe, that it would bring in easy cash, I trusted your decision. In the end, you never died in battle, instead captured and taken away by Mother Nature. Your death was announced by the television, yet I remained hopeful that you survived, or much rather, in denial. A letter arrived to confirm your death, but I ignored it.

 A memorial was held for the casualties, others mourned their losses. Some went to extreme lengths, ignorant of what to do without their loved ones. The ocean is a painful reminder, the stars are rather bleak without you, and it seems no matter what I do, this aching pain of knives and pins won’t go away. Tears streak down my face now as I pray even harder, praying for your safety, happiness, and that we may meet again in the afterlife. Hazy memories of your funeral come and go, it was held in the same church as our wedding.

 White suits, jovial smiles and laughter turned into black suits and somber cries. I dry my tears and return to my car, starting the engine and driving to an undetermined destination. Just driving, to let the rest of my memories flow through, to get a peace of mind. We were always sickeningly sweet together, but that’s just how we liked it. We were in love.

 Your name is still stuck on my tongue. At random happenstances, I believe you’ll still come home, but you never do. I believe that one of your numerous letters will arrive, but they never do. Sometimes random knocks or noises will lead me to believe it’s you. It never is.

 Often, I call your name to get an item for me, but you aren’t there. Habitually, I call your name, whenever I see a scenery perfect for a photograph, but you aren’t there. I tend to imagine what it would’ve been like if you were. Sometimes your name escapes from my lips just for the hell of it. Just to keep your name alive.

 Our joyful memories together far outweigh the negative, but now as I recollect them they all have a melancholic edge to them. We smiled through our problems and laughed at the face of despair. We were able to do that because all that mattered to us was each other, but now, now that you are gone; every day is a trial. I pass by the beach we so often visited, we went skinny dipping there once. The memory briefly passes through my mind, squeals of laughter, splashing wars, and a sweet kiss to seal the night.

 I find myself at home, collapsing at the foot of the door once safely inside, the rest of my tears stream out of me. Suicidal thoughts race through my mind as the rest of my memories with Daichi consume me. The urge is intense and unyielding, today might finally be the day. I want to see Daichi again, my vices motivating me through the attempt, ready to commit, but I stop. Strenuous tears flow as I stare at what I’m about to do, I can’t do it.

 No, I won’t do it. I wipe my tears and put away the items. Not today, nor ever. I can do it. I will live.

**Author's Note:**

> Things will get better no matter what. You are strong and you will survive. If you are contemplating suicide please call the national suicidal hotline first. 
> 
> US: 18002738255   
> Canada: 5147234000  
> UK: 08457909090


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